A bit of a warning to start before I get into this.
This is just the first chapter, a preview to the new novel I’m working on. I’ll release it once it’s totally complete.
The book will involve heavy subjects such as depression and suicide
Any feedback to this first chapter will be greatly appreciated. It took a while to do so because I want to get this first chapter to be a perfect hook. Thank you, and enjoy the read.
Bleak black clouds covered an already deathly dark night. Hefty winds gusted, blowing leaves and garbage across the empty city streets. A new moon was out, whisking away any hope of natural lighting. Not even the vibrant streetlights could do anything to stave off the intense darkness.
It almost seemed fitting this would be the last night of William Rene.
He walked alone through the barren streets, eventually reaching a bridge stretching across a river. Staring below, the winds swept up the tides, white foamy waters surging out towards the ocean. The poor lighting made it seem like the river Styx itself. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and swallowed a lump in his throat.
If you asked him why, he made sure he had his reasons in order for his family. He graduated out of high school by the skin of his teeth, unable to make the cut for any good college, nor did he feel he had any talent he could carve a future out of with. Unless he were to win a million dollar prize for “Fakest smile as a Grocery Bagger”, he just never felt good enough. His small circle of friends was strained thanks to their college life, barely able to keep in contact through IRC chats, and he knew he was utterly pathetic to the sight of his parents.
As far as he was concerned, throwing himself down into that river would be no different than dropping a pebble into it.
He climbed over the guardrails, standing on the edge.
His heart began to beat faster. He instinctively gripped the guardrails tighter.
His breathing intensified. He shut his eyes close, tears quickly streaming down his face.
How would his mom and dad feel? Would they truly be relieved if he left their life for good? His friends were guaranteed to outgrow him. He’d be left behind in their wake. There’s no upwards momentum for his job. He’d be stuck with his parents for another decade before he could even afford to try somewhere else.
All these negatives, and yet, he still gripped the rails tightly.
There was still some fraction of hope that maybe things would get better? A small speck in his brain cried out. He looked behind him, hoping to return to the safety of the bridge.
A pressure began to envelope his head.
“Why won’t you return home?”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. You need to overcome your fear.”
His head felt more of the pressure, as if something sinister was clutching his brain.
“Your worldly things aren’t stopping you. The moment you thought your life here was for naught shows how little you care for them.”
He grew dizzy, his grip slipping.
“Overcome your fear, and join me in my domain. You came from nothingness, and it’s time for you to return home.”
His breathing became ragged and raspy.
“There is nothing more to desire for, nothing more to love, nothing to struggle for. Return.”
Every neuron screamed for him to return to the bridge, but whatever sudden spell that had overtaken him had won. He couldn’t grip the rails any longer. He let go, plummeting to the dark waters below. His vision clouded up, and he blacked out.
With nothing but a quiet splash, he vanished into nothingness.
There was still nothingness, but something permeated his mind. First, the crashing of waves. Then he could make out seagulls calling. The right side of his head was resting on something coarse. Then he felt his damp clothes hugging his body. His eyes flew open, more of his senses still coming back and he got up on all fours, trying to take a deep breath.
He couldn’t inhale.
Reflexively, he coughed, a trove of sand and water spurting from his insides. He continued to cough, hacking up water at a rate comparable to a fire hose, as the waves crashed and subsided by his hands and knees. He pounded his chest, gagging and coughing up one object: A small fish. He felt his soaking wet body, making sure it all was real. His medium brown hair was damp, somewhat hanging over his eyes. He could certainly feel the weight of his wet t-shirt and cargo pants (And undergarments, unfortunately). His shoes were soaked through and through, squelching with each step. Most importantly, his heart was still throbbing in his chest, pumping fresh oxygen into his bloodstream.
He was alive?
Funnily enough, that wasn’t the most pressing question, as he stared out to the rising sun in the distance.
What really piqued his curiosity was wondering where he was.
Staring off, he saw a bustling coastal city that certainly wasn’t his home.
The beach he stood on had a small wooded park parallel to the coastline, a few small paths cutting through a dense thicket of trees. He stared towards the darkened path, and back towards the ocean. He felt his heart throbbing for a multitude of reasons.
No point in waiting around in soaking clothes. Maybe he could find a police station and call his parents.
Trodding towards the path, the trees quickly blocked what little sunlight was shining. Only little fleks of light shone through the thicket. William slowed down, nerve building up inside of his stomach.
Is this the right way? Did I already get lost? I’m on the path, it’ll lead to a road or something eventually.
He shivered, continuing to march on. He kept thinking to himself about what possibly happened, if he had failed in his attempt, if this path was the right one, whether he was going to wander into a national park and get mauled by a bear, be seen as a coward and a runaway by all his friends and family.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard muttering behind him.
“It’s the child…” “He was touched?” “We need to bring him home…”
Two pairs of hands grabbed his arms, and began dragging him into the forest. He flailed his arms and legs about, the two mysterious figures holding tight. Incredibly tight, as he realized that their grips alone were almost crushing his arms. He looked to both of them, the two enshrouded in pitch black robes.
“Quit your struggle…”
“You’re coming home…”
He wiggled a bit more, until he realized the futility of fighting. Given a second chance at life and fate just had to throw more garbage his way was all he thought.
As if responding, fate threw him a bone.
A blinding light flashed through the woods, and a masked figure flew towards him, kicking one of his captors. The robed figure lost his grip, and went flying off into the darkness, and the assailant dove into the woods as well. The second captor let go of William, bringing his long sleeved arms close to his chest, like a rodent. He whirled around, wondering where the attacker would come from next. Another flash, this time a bolt of light shot out of the foliage, striking the captor. The energy from it visibly reverberated through the man, his body stiffening up in response. The man fell over, William unsure if he was dead or incapacitated. His masked savior brushed dirt off his outfit; black sweatpants and a black hoodie. He stretched out his hand to William, and he looked back somewhat dumbfounded.
“You’re not hurt or anything, right?”
William stared for a few more seconds. “S-shaken up a bit. Who are you?”
He took off his mask, revealing the face of a boy looking similar to William’s age.
“I can promise you, not one of the bad guys!”